July 8th, 2011.
“A quiet night. A windless, stifling, humid night. The only reprieve from the heat comes from the open door of a kitchen freezer.
A frigid burst races across my clammy skin and I exhale a puff of visible air; then breathe it back inside and close my eyes. For a moment, an instance of relaxation. I lean forward and place my head within the icy box and drop my chin to the frost. Idiot. Next week you’ll buy an air conditioner.
That should have been first. Careless fool.
Back to the matter at hand.
Of all the days to have the ladder knocked over and feel the breath knocked from your lungs after a high fall, today was that day, wasn’t it? Why not six months from now? Even five? No, it had to be now. What the hell is going on around here?
Come to grips. It’s not a ploy. Open your mind just a crack and let that light in. Remove the veil of distrust and raise your face. See things for what they are. Not everything is a deception. Come to grips. It’s not a ploy.
You know what they’ll say. You better keep the shield at the ready. You may even have to draw the sword again. Don’t let it taste blood. Don’t digress and slip back to what you once were.
Listen to your gut. It is serving you well. Dismiss the prolonged feeling that this is another test. The tests are over. But are they?
‘She walks in beauty like’ no. F*** that. She’s a force to be reckoned with. She alters gravity and makes the head swim. A sucker punch to logic.
Tattoos on tanned skin, sleek black biker boots, tight blue jeans, blonde hair and a smile that could melt an iceberg.
Passing ships at sea during the old life, but now she forces her way into the new. Damn her for making me say yes. Damn her for making me lower my shield. I’ve worked so hard to build it, but here she is chipping away, and I watch helpless as the spidery fractures crawl and crackle around me.
Don’t get ahead of yourself. Stay focused, and on task. It was merely a pleasantry. Don’t look so far into it. Don’t tip toe around your own mind. Don’t make it complicated. Look beyond your own wall. You need to relax and embrace this. Stop being fearful.
Who would have thought the moment you made eye contact, the impact would be so complicated. Why is everything always so complicated?
Like a beam of light punching through darkness she enters my three foot bubble of misery and stops me dead mid stride. The world brightens around me and the noises amplify. Like a spotlight was shining down around her from the ceiling tiles.
I can’t breathe and my voice is silenced. The pounding of my heart is felt throughout my torso and my face turns crimson. A flutter of butterflies well up and knock me off balance; as if they were trying to levitate me from the floor. My hands are confused and I’m unsure of whether to cross my arms in defense, allow them to hang beside, or stuff them deep in the pockets.
She cocks her head to the side, one hand propped high on a perfect hip and smiles at me. Her bright fearless eyes glistening on her flawless face. There’s nothing to smile about. What do you want? I have shit to do.
Two simple questions and three statements was all that was needed. I lowered my shield for a time. No need for another innocent causality.
All I can do is stare and wait. I didn’t expect her to step into my path and obstruct my work day. She was the last thing on my mind. But like all other mysteries, there’s always an unforeseen variable. Another layer.
She seemed to come from nowhere. As if she was dropped in front of me and forced me to stop in my tracks. I know who she is. By name only.
Time dragged on for hours in the span of only a few seconds before she spoke. I couldn’t blink when she uttered the following, “I heard what happened. Do you need anything? Do you want me to swing by tonight and drop off some dishes I don’t need anymore?”
Realizing I had frozen up, it took a moment to come back to focus. The sincerity seemed too good to be true. The first person in what seemed like an eternity to ask if I needed anything. A complete stranger. Why does everything have to be so complicated?
I nod my head and force out the words, “Sure. That would be great.”
“I leave my night job between 8:30 and 9. Keep your head up.”
I hope she sticks around and visits for awhile. Her presence is supernatural.”
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